•‘Loss of crucial case for Nigeria Airways was part of my
punishment’
Pastor Israel Adam is Senior Pastor, Guiding Light Assembly,
Abuja. The lawyer-turned-pastor and wife, Dorcas, are celebrating
25 years of marriage. In this interview, Adam narrates how he
opposed God’s call and the consequences that nearly tainted his
excellent legal practice. He also speaks on the dark side of
marriage that makes people say marriage is for
fools.
You are 25 years in marriage. How is the journey so
far?
The past 25 years has not been a bed of roses. There are days
you are on top of the mountain, there are days you are down in the
valley and there are days you are in between. Marriage is not as
many people imagine. It requires a lot of intentionality. You have
to be deliberate about it. The past 25 years has taught us to know
that you cannot take anything for granted. You have to work to get
what you want.
Did you marry as a pastor?
No.
I was in legal practice in Lagos before the call came to me to
become a full-time pastor.
What was it like convincing your wife to support your
divine assignment?
It was something I could not have done myself because she did
not marry a pastor. She had no intention of marrying a pastor, but
God helped me, we were both born again in the same church. Also,
she saw the hand of God upon me. However, I did not just respond to
the call; it took a fight between me and God. It was a battle and
she stood with me through the experiences and God met us at the
point of our needs. God proved himself that he called me and, as
such, both of us were satisfied. As a lawyer, you would not want to
leave what is in your hand to go into the ministry in uncertainty,
but he proved himself that this is an appointment for my life and
both of us were convinced and we went into it together.
Tell us more about the ‘battle with God’
I was fulfilled as a lawyer. My dream was to become
a Senior Advocate of Nigeria before the age of 60. I was with
George Etomi & Partners, one of the foremost law firms in Lagos
then. Although I was a part-time pastor earlier in life, but when
He called me to be a full-time pastor, I declined. That was not my
dream. I had my life plan. I wanted to come into full time
ministration later in life, maybe at 60, having made so much money
from the law profession, so that nobody would think I came in
because of tithe and offerings. One morning, I came into the
office, prayed as usual and opened the door for clients. As I was
sitting down, I heard a voice clearly said to me, ‘look through
that door, walk through it and never come back’. But I said ‘no’
literally, and, from that moment, my life was shut down. My law
practice ran into trouble and everything I did from that point
collapsed. I was the head of chambers and it would be difficult to
get to that position if you are careless and if you did not know
your onions. But everything I touched collapsed and I made mistakes
where I never made mistakes before. My firm was suffering by the
reason of my being there. I became the Jonah in the boat. So, my
wife and I, not wanting to bring pains to the firm, went to God and
asked Him to bring us out of trouble. Afterwards, I repeated all
the applications that were refused after I lost a case we were
handling for Nigeria Airways, and they were granted, because God
agreed to sort me out so that I could rescind my ‘no’ decision. So,
when He sorted me out and the court stayed the execution, I
accepted to leave practice.
What has been the impact of your pastoral journey on
your marriage?
Because of the peculiar experiences we went through together, it
was easy to have her by my side although the changes were
inevitable. Of course, I was earning more as a lawyer than a
pastor. The opportunities I had as a lawyer were more than the ones
I now have as a pastor. But we knew that if God showed Himself to
be faithful by calling us into the vineyard, it was only a matter
of time. We would make the relevant sacrifices but time shall come
when we would be able to live as we used to live before and even
above that. And it has been 18 years since we became full-time
pastors.
What do you think are the causes of failed marriages in
spite of the growing Church?
What is happening with marriages is sad. It is one of our pains
as a couple. We took a decision to model our marriage in our local
congregation. You cannot preach what you do not practice; people
are there, watching you. So, there is a deliberate approach in
modelling our marriage. Our home is open to every member of our
church. I don’t know protocols. They know who I am at home and in
the church. I am just one person; no split, multiple
personalities. And I always ask my congregation to
emulate us. Broken marriages, as we see them today, happen because
of tradition – people not wanting to follow the God they profess in
the entirety of the word of God – men and women. And one of the
major factors that break the home is money. Money is god to some
people – Christians and unbelievers. When you allow money to rule
your heart, it becomes superior to your spouse. Also, many people
enter into marriage out of pressure and without knowing each other.
If the foundation is faulty, what can the righteous do? We preach
to people not to marry until they are friends. It is not the
marriage that should bring you together, it is the friendship that
should bring out marriage. When you are both friends, you can
always disagree to agree. You will not keep anything away from each
other. But if it is the marriage that brought you together, when
the marriage scatters, there would be nothing holding you together.
Friendship should be the basis for marriage.
Tradition is on both ends, the man is the lord but the woman
also has an opinion. She is a human being with her head upon her
shoulders. But tradition says she has nothing to contribute other
than lie down for her husband, wash his clothes and take care of
the home. It should not be so. Tradition should be adjusted with
the times. Give respect to your wife. In our 25 years, we
discovered that a man must give his wife her rightful place and the
wife must also give her husband the rightful place. And what is the
rightful place?: ‘My wife before me’ and ‘my husband before me’.
When you put the other person as priority in everything, you will
live for that person and two of you will live for each other.
Valley of married life
There are times I don’t feel like getting married. There are
times I don’t want to see my wife or hear what she wants to say.
There are times she doesn’t want to see me too. So, we fight too,
but we have a fundamental understanding that we must never touch
our marriage. We are pastors, what governs us is the word of God.
We are mindful because we know a few things – if you open your door
and you go and sleep, thieves will invade your house. And we know
the secret thief who has come to steal, to kill and to destroy, and
we know his functions. So, we do everything in our
power to resolve our issues. It may not be fully, it may be for a
day or two but we are mindful that we have to resolve it before the
thief enters to steal.
The most challenging period
The first three years of our marriage was a total
battle. I am not the type that insists on order. I can
let you have your way. I am not for too much details. But my wife
likes to play by the rules. As a result of these differences, you
know that conflicts are evident. At a time, I actually asked God to
kill my wife since I cannot divorce her so that I would be free
from the marriage but God did not answer me
immediately. After about a week, I was praying over
something else and God said, ‘son, do you know that you will die
before your wife?’ I screamed and said that I will not pray that
kind of prayer again. I prayed to God to change my wife but God
changed me rather, because in my liberal life, I could be very
resentful and judgmental. I had pride issues and I was
always judging and condemning my wife. But God changed me to know
that I cannot change her. He taught me that the woman is meant to
receive, the man is meant to give. If I give what she wants, she
will receive and multiply back to me. That was the lesson I learnt
in the midst of those pains and I stopped judging her.
On the present day Church and prosperity
message
The gospel is all about prosperity. But prosperity is not what
people made it to be. It means to go forward peacefully
in life. Money is not the only thing you use to go forward. You
have to go forward in marriage, in bringing up your children, in
your relationship with people, and concerning the works of your
hands. This is where money comes in because you work to get money.
So, the entire gospel is prosperity but it is not just money
because you can have money and not prosper. On the flamboyant life
style of present day men of God, I want to state that because you
are a pastor does not stop you from being who you are. Some of us
are very flamboyant by nature. So, whether we are pastors or not,
we will be flamboyant. And many of us are conservative
in nature, whether we are pastors of not, we remain conservative.
Many of us were brought up under difficult circumstances; so, we
suffer low self-esteem, and when we come into the ministry or other
things in life and attend some level of financial comfort, we feel
that the only way we can add value to ourselves is to live
flamboyantly.
Advice for Christian couples
My counsel is that they should not just be church
goers. They should practice what they have been taught
and read about in the Bible, because going to church does not make
one a Christian. It is when you live the life of Christ
that you qualify to be called a Christian. Marriage is a platform
that God has given us as couples to preach the love of Christ. You
don’t just get married by emotions or societal
pressure. There is a bigger picture of marriage, and
that is the kingdom. So, marriage is not about you or your spouse
first, it is about kingdom. As such, married couples should go
through the words and practice what God asked us to do concerning
marriage. There are challenges everywhere in marriages, but when
you remember that it is first about God, even when you are angry,
you will remind yourself that you are in it on an assignment to
glorify God so that your marriage can bring healing, light,
deliverance and a source of light to your generation. To achieve
this, we should not think to be wise but, as the scripture says, we
should become fools in order to be wise. You have to put down
yourself to accommodate your partner. It will take each
partner playing the fool to accommodate the other. We must play the
fool to keep our marriage because, at the end of the day, we would
be asked what legacy we left behind. Part of our success in
marriage could be attributed to our spiritual father, Wale
Adefarasin. His marriage was an inspiration to us. His life was an
open Bible we can read. He played a major role in our lives,
marriage.
.vanguardngr
•‘Loss of crucial case for Nigeria Airways was part of my
punishment’
Pastor Israel Adam is Senior Pastor, Guiding Light Assembly,
Abuja. The lawyer-turned-pastor and wife, Dorcas, are celebrating
25 years of marriage. In this interview, Adam narrates how he
opposed God’s call and the consequences that nearly tainted his
excellent legal practice. He also speaks on the dark side of
marriage that makes people say marriage is for
fools.
You are 25 years in marriage. How is the journey so
far?
The past 25 years has not been a bed of roses. There are days
you are on top of the mountain, there are days you are down in the
valley and there are days you are in between. Marriage is not as
many people imagine. It requires a lot of intentionality. You have
to be deliberate about it. The past 25 years has taught us to know
that you cannot take anything for granted. You have to work to get
what you want.
Did you marry as a pastor?
No.
I was in legal practice in Lagos before the call came to me to
become a full-time pastor.
What was it like convincing your wife to support your
divine assignment?
It was something I could not have done myself because she did
not marry a pastor. She had no intention of marrying a pastor, but
God helped me, we were both born again in the same church. Also,
she saw the hand of God upon me. However, I did not just respond to
the call; it took a fight between me and God. It was a battle and
she stood with me through the experiences and God met us at the
point of our needs. God proved himself that he called me and, as
such, both of us were satisfied. As a lawyer, you would not want to
leave what is in your hand to go into the ministry in uncertainty,
but he proved himself that this is an appointment for my life and
both of us were convinced and we went into it together.
Tell us more about the ‘battle with God’
I was fulfilled as a lawyer. My dream was to become
a Senior Advocate of Nigeria before the age of 60. I was with
George Etomi & Partners, one of the foremost law firms in Lagos
then. Although I was a part-time pastor earlier in life, but when
He called me to be a full-time pastor, I declined. That was not my
dream. I had my life plan. I wanted to come into full time
ministration later in life, maybe at 60, having made so much money
from the law profession, so that nobody would think I came in
because of tithe and offerings. One morning, I came into the
office, prayed as usual and opened the door for clients. As I was
sitting down, I heard a voice clearly said to me, ‘look through
that door, walk through it and never come back’. But I said ‘no’
literally, and, from that moment, my life was shut down. My law
practice ran into trouble and everything I did from that point
collapsed. I was the head of chambers and it would be difficult to
get to that position if you are careless and if you did not know
your onions. But everything I touched collapsed and I made mistakes
where I never made mistakes before. My firm was suffering by the
reason of my being there. I became the Jonah in the boat. So, my
wife and I, not wanting to bring pains to the firm, went to God and
asked Him to bring us out of trouble. Afterwards, I repeated all
the applications that were refused after I lost a case we were
handling for Nigeria Airways, and they were granted, because God
agreed to sort me out so that I could rescind my ‘no’ decision. So,
when He sorted me out and the court stayed the execution, I
accepted to leave practice.
What has been the impact of your pastoral journey on
your marriage?
Because of the peculiar experiences we went through together, it
was easy to have her by my side although the changes were
inevitable. Of course, I was earning more as a lawyer than a
pastor. The opportunities I had as a lawyer were more than the ones
I now have as a pastor. But we knew that if God showed Himself to
be faithful by calling us into the vineyard, it was only a matter
of time. We would make the relevant sacrifices but time shall come
when we would be able to live as we used to live before and even
above that. And it has been 18 years since we became full-time
pastors.
What do you think are the causes of failed marriages in
spite of the growing Church?
What is happening with marriages is sad. It is one of our pains
as a couple. We took a decision to model our marriage in our local
congregation. You cannot preach what you do not practice; people
are there, watching you. So, there is a deliberate approach in
modelling our marriage. Our home is open to every member of our
church. I don’t know protocols. They know who I am at home and in
the church. I am just one person; no split, multiple
personalities. And I always ask my congregation to
emulate us. Broken marriages, as we see them today, happen because
of tradition – people not wanting to follow the God they profess in
the entirety of the word of God – men and women. And one of the
major factors that break the home is money. Money is god to some
people – Christians and unbelievers. When you allow money to rule
your heart, it becomes superior to your spouse. Also, many people
enter into marriage out of pressure and without knowing each other.
If the foundation is faulty, what can the righteous do? We preach
to people not to marry until they are friends. It is not the
marriage that should bring you together, it is the friendship that
should bring out marriage. When you are both friends, you can
always disagree to agree. You will not keep anything away from each
other. But if it is the marriage that brought you together, when
the marriage scatters, there would be nothing holding you together.
Friendship should be the basis for marriage.
Tradition is on both ends, the man is the lord but the woman
also has an opinion. She is a human being with her head upon her
shoulders. But tradition says she has nothing to contribute other
than lie down for her husband, wash his clothes and take care of
the home. It should not be so. Tradition should be adjusted with
the times. Give respect to your wife. In our 25 years, we
discovered that a man must give his wife her rightful place and the
wife must also give her husband the rightful place. And what is the
rightful place?: ‘My wife before me’ and ‘my husband before me’.
When you put the other person as priority in everything, you will
live for that person and two of you will live for each other.
Valley of married life
There are times I don’t feel like getting married. There are
times I don’t want to see my wife or hear what she wants to say.
There are times she doesn’t want to see me too. So, we fight too,
but we have a fundamental understanding that we must never touch
our marriage. We are pastors, what governs us is the word of God.
We are mindful because we know a few things – if you open your door
and you go and sleep, thieves will invade your house. And we know
the secret thief who has come to steal, to kill and to destroy, and
we know his functions. So, we do everything in our
power to resolve our issues. It may not be fully, it may be for a
day or two but we are mindful that we have to resolve it before the
thief enters to steal.
The most challenging period
The first three years of our marriage was a total
battle. I am not the type that insists on order. I can
let you have your way. I am not for too much details. But my wife
likes to play by the rules. As a result of these differences, you
know that conflicts are evident. At a time, I actually asked God to
kill my wife since I cannot divorce her so that I would be free
from the marriage but God did not answer me
immediately. After about a week, I was praying over
something else and God said, ‘son, do you know that you will die
before your wife?’ I screamed and said that I will not pray that
kind of prayer again. I prayed to God to change my wife but God
changed me rather, because in my liberal life, I could be very
resentful and judgmental. I had pride issues and I was
always judging and condemning my wife. But God changed me to know
that I cannot change her. He taught me that the woman is meant to
receive, the man is meant to give. If I give what she wants, she
will receive and multiply back to me. That was the lesson I learnt
in the midst of those pains and I stopped judging her.
On the present day Church and prosperity
message
The gospel is all about prosperity. But prosperity is not what
people made it to be. It means to go forward peacefully
in life. Money is not the only thing you use to go forward. You
have to go forward in marriage, in bringing up your children, in
your relationship with people, and concerning the works of your
hands. This is where money comes in because you work to get money.
So, the entire gospel is prosperity but it is not just money
because you can have money and not prosper. On the flamboyant life
style of present day men of God, I want to state that because you
are a pastor does not stop you from being who you are. Some of us
are very flamboyant by nature. So, whether we are pastors or not,
we will be flamboyant. And many of us are conservative
in nature, whether we are pastors of not, we remain conservative.
Many of us were brought up under difficult circumstances; so, we
suffer low self-esteem, and when we come into the ministry or other
things in life and attend some level of financial comfort, we feel
that the only way we can add value to ourselves is to live
flamboyantly.
Advice for Christian couples
My counsel is that they should not just be church
goers. They should practice what they have been taught
and read about in the Bible, because going to church does not make
one a Christian. It is when you live the life of Christ
that you qualify to be called a Christian. Marriage is a platform
that God has given us as couples to preach the love of Christ. You
don’t just get married by emotions or societal
pressure. There is a bigger picture of marriage, and
that is the kingdom. So, marriage is not about you or your spouse
first, it is about kingdom. As such, married couples should go
through the words and practice what God asked us to do concerning
marriage. There are challenges everywhere in marriages, but when
you remember that it is first about God, even when you are angry,
you will remind yourself that you are in it on an assignment to
glorify God so that your marriage can bring healing, light,
deliverance and a source of light to your generation. To achieve
this, we should not think to be wise but, as the scripture says, we
should become fools in order to be wise. You have to put down
yourself to accommodate your partner. It will take each
partner playing the fool to accommodate the other. We must play the
fool to keep our marriage because, at the end of the day, we would
be asked what legacy we left behind. Part of our success in
marriage could be attributed to our spiritual father, Wale
Adefarasin. His marriage was an inspiration to us. His life was an
open Bible we can read. He played a major role in our lives,
marriage.
.vanguardngr