By Hameed Ajibola Jimoh Esq.
![image](/2021/03/sjk.jpg")
I have observed some of our Muslim brethren’s strict adherence
to their cultures/customs especially as they concern Islamic
marriage and these persons would go to any length to protect their
cultures/customs even where Islamic laws provide otherwise or for a
simple rules. They would insist on the would be groom to comply and
or fulfill the would be bride’s cultural/customary rules (and it
does not matter to them whether the cultural/customary rules
required to be fulfilled are unrealistic or difficult for the would
be groom to meet up with and regardless of whether the would be
groom is able to meet up with the Islamic prescriptions). I felt
that we as Muslims generally really need to reconsider our steps,
actions and prescriptions as they concern Islamic marriage and I
felt too that there is indeed great efforts to re-orientate
ourselves on the need to prioritise Islamic values over
cultural/customary values so that we could be in total submission
to the will/religion of Allaah (Islam) as true Muslims, hence, this
paper.
![image](/2021/01/payne-alex.jpg")
I must first state that Islamic law does not overrule all
cultural/customary rules/practices regarding marriage. The
customary practices are regarded as ‘’Urf’ or in
another word ‘’aadaat’ under the Usuulul-Fiqh (Islamic
Jurisprudence). Professor Abdur Rahman I. Doi, in his book
Shari’ah: the Islamic Law, Taha Publishers Limited, London, 1997,
at page 84, has the following to say about ‘’Urf’ or in another
word ‘’aadaat’ ‘’Urf, the known practices and ‘aadaat’ or customs
are recognised as a subsidiary source by all schools of
Jurisprudence. The Maaliki school attaches more importance to
custom than other schools. But customary rules are valid as long as
there is no provision on the matter in the Qur’an and the Sunnah.
If any of the customs contradict any other rule of Shari’ah, they
will be considered outside the pale of Islamic law’.
Therefore, this paper is not to the effect that cultures/customs
relating to Islamic marriage are prohibited (where such
cultures/customs do not violate Islamic rules on same subject of
marriage), however, what this paper is appealing for is the need
for ‘leniency’ and ‘simplicity’ as any
strict adherence to cultures/customary requirements where the
Islamic requirements are met or are much more easier and simpler to
meet up with would bring difficulty and excessiveness which would
in turn cause disregard for Islamic requirements. If I am to say, I
would recommend with due respect, that the Islamic requirement
should be the yardstick for measuring compliance with marriage
rites for every Muslim family then, the cultures/customs should be
secondary where the primary (Islamic laws) has been met! But the
situation that I have observed in some of Muslim families is the
contrary which is a situation where the cultures/customs are
considered as the primary while the Islamic requirements are
regarded as the secondary to be met! One would also observe with
due respect, some selfish interests or the interests of some
persons being brought into the customary rules when it comes to
marriage and because, people see the need to fulfill the personal
interests of these set of people (bride’s family relatives), then,
the Islamic law’s requirements (which ought to be the yardstick) is
considered less important! In fact, the bride’s family would go to
any length to refuse any good man/suitor who would not comply with
their customary requirements (even where the man is able to meet up
with the Islamic law’s requirements). This is where some of these
Muslim families become extreme and violate the Islamic rules! This
is an angle where I humbly call for reconsideration and
reorientation! There are many challenges in marriage.
The most important consideration in my humble view, to
consider is righteousness in a man that your daughter seeks to
marry! Where you find the righteousness, then, every
other thing should become less in value/importance! This the
Messenger of Allaah (may Allaah’s blessings and peace be upon him)
had admonished when he said ‘If a man comes to you
seeking marriage, and you are satisfied with his diin and
character, marry him- lest a fitnah (harm) and great destruction
become rampant on the earth’. (Recorded by At-Tirmithy, Ibn Maajah
abd others. Verified to be hasan by Al-Albaany (Shiihul- Jaami’ No.
270 & Shiihah No. 1022). For further education on this subject of
Islamic marriage rules, please refer to: Al-Usratul-Muslimah (The
Muslim Family) revised by Muhammad Mustafaa Al-Jibaaly, Alkitaab &
Assu-Sunnah Publishing, Vol. 1-4. Therefore, the
righteousness (in both religion and characters) of a man seeking to
marry a Muslim lady should be the priority of every Muslim lady and
her family, else, if they reject such a righteous man (on grounds
not on Islamic grounds), such a family might be cursed and cause
calamity on earth! I view these as the repercussion that we face
today in relation to marriages! Some Muslim marriages are
contracted on ‘benefits’ or ‘material
benefits’ either by the bride to be or her family
relatives! These become the reason why ‘fornication’
and ‘adultery’ (Zinah) become very rampant on earth
the situation which does not exempt Muslims! I pray Almighty Allaah
rescue us all from these wrath of His and not to cause our path to
deviate from His path! Aamiin!
As an emphasis on the consequences of fornication and adultery
which should cause every Muslim to fear the consequences of
Allaah’s wrath on earth, there was a question and a ruling on the
question on islamweb.com which would be
supplied here as it is useful for the purpose of this paper which
goes thus
‘Question
A non-Muslim friend asked me how is it possible, in
recent life, to avoid having relations with a girl before the
marriage as long as there are many means to avoid pregnancy or
diseases? I want to convince him the dangers of
Zina.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the
Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except
Allah, and that Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi
wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave
and Messenger.
Zina (fornication or adultery) is a grave major sin.
It is prohibited in all religions due to fatal diseases such as
AIDS. It does not only bring down Allah’s wrath, but also causes
crimes, generates hatred among people, spoils the chastity of the
person and his/her lineage and so forth. Allah, the Exalted, has
imposed a great punishment on those who commit Zina in this worldly
life and in the Hereafter.
Allah Says (what means): {And those who do not
invoke with Allah another deity or kill the soul which Allah has
forbidden [to be killed], except by right, and do
not commit unlawful sexual intercourse. And whoever should do that
will meet a penalty. Multiplied for him is the punishment on the
Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein humiliated – Except
for those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah
will replace their evil deeds with good. And ever is Allah
Forgiving and Merciful.} [Quran 25: 68-70]
On the Night of Israa’ and Mi’raaj, as recorded in
Saheeh Al-Bukhaari, the Prophet sallallaahu
`alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention
) saw naked men and women on a building similar to a furnace, wide
at the bottom and narrow at the top, and a fire kindling from the
bottom. When the fire starts, they cry and come up; when it goes
out, they return to their previous state. When the Prophet
sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah
exalt his mention ) asked about them, the answer was: ‘They are
those who committed Zina.’ They will be tortured in the same way
till Resurrection.”
Allah warns us against committing Zina as
He Says (what means): {And do not approach unlawful sexual
intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a
way.} [Quran 17:32]
As for the punishment of Zina in the present life,
if it is proved, an unmarried person is to be lashed one hundred
times, and then, the man should be exiled for one year. This should
be carried out by the Muslim ruler. As regards a married person who
commits Zina, he should be stoned till death.
Allah Says (what means): {The [unmarried] woman or
[unmarried] man found guilty of sexual intercourse – lash each one
of them with a hundred lashes, and do not be taken by pity for them
in the religion of Allah, if you should believe in Allah and the
Last Day. And let a group of the believers witness their
punishment.} [Quran 24: 2]
This punishment is for unmarried persons guilty of
the above sin but if married persons commit it, the punishment is
to stone them to death, according to Allah’s Law.
The Prophetic Hadeeth explained the above verse
stating: “One hundred lashes and one year exile for a bachelor and
a married one should be stoned (to death).” [Muslim, At-Tirmithi,
Ibn Maajah]
As for your friend’s saying ‘How can I
endure?’, we clearly state that whoever believes in Allah, the
Final Day, the Reckoning and the punishment, Hellfire and Paradise,
should have patience, fearing Allah and longing for His
reward.
On the other hand, using medical condoms and so on
does not change the Sharee’ah rulings for a believer. But, for a
disbeliever, we are to do our best to convince him of Islam and
belief since there will be no profit to convince him of the dangers
of Zina as long as he is not a believer.
Therefore, dear brother, your first step is to
convince him of Islam and the dangers of disbelief. Then, he –
Allah willing – will automatically believe in the dangers of
Zina.
Allah knows best.’. (Underlining is mine for
emphasis).
From the above question and the answer provided, it is clear
what happens where cultures and customs are made to be strictly
required than the Islamic law’s dictates on marriage. What
happens?! Fornication and adultery are encouraged! Then, the
generations find their ways into ‘Hell fire’ (may
Allaah save us all and our generations from such
calamity!
Furthermore and most worrisome today is the way and manner some
of our Muslim males and females get so used to getting closer (if
not into) fornication and adultery against Allaah’s order! I
admonish them to repent to Almighty Allaah and to heed warnings and
to fear the calamities of such unlawful enjoyment in this world and
in the hereafter! Some Muslim males and females now freely
intermingle on the social-media (even at workplaces) leading to
unwarranted chats and relationship! In fact, a righteous Muslim
(man) who would love to marry but fears Allaah in not moving close
to fornication or adultery would find it very hard to win and or
convince any of such females that he is interested in to marry
without ‘dating’ or ‘courting’ her and or
without (if not sexually attached to her i.e. by having sex with
her, even within the shortest days of meeting her) and without
making fake and deceitful promises to her! Subhaanallaah (may
Allaah be glorified)! This is very critical! Sexual relationship is
getting rampant among some Muslim males and or females in Nigeria
(Allaah knows best) and the various Muslim families seem less
concerned about this calamity! This development I got to know about
in the cause of my search for a mathnaa (second wife to
marry), which I am still in serious search for (though with prayers
and patience and hoping in Allaah)! There have been many rejections
due to various Un-islamic reasons ranging from: I
cannot marry him (or he cannot marry our daughter because he is not
from our tribe/language); I cannot marry him because he is married
and I cannot marry a married man; he does not have what it takes in
(wealth) to take care of me and I cannot suffer with any man;
etc., (even where some of these commentaries are not
spoken, one would understand the action from the reactions)
whereas, some of these Muslim females fall easily into the hands of
some males who do not fear Allaah or have no good intention for
them or who are not even ready to marry them but only offers fake
promises! It is important for me to state this fact for the purpose
understanding how bad the situation/calamity has become! Virginity
is no more celebrated! Immorality is marked as a sign of exposure
especially some of those so much entangled with the western world,
whereas, the fact that you are educated in western education should
not make you to become immoral rather it should expose you
intellectually! Today, marriages breakdown easily without any
regret (even the family relatives have their own shares of the
calamities)! Materialisms and fake promises pervade marital
relationships! The one who is righteous is seen as either a
‘fanatic’ or an ‘extremist’, just because
he only fears to violate the laws of his Lord! Males and or females
get so exposed to sexual relationship right from Junior Secondary
School! This is likely one of the reasons why many males and or
females do not think of marriage because they now have alternative
of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ (with sexual
enjoyment), hence, the need not to even think of
marriage early! Then, some females of this generation
whom a righteous male considers to marry on a close proposal become
exposed as having a secret partner already for years without
necessarily being ready for marriage! These females
would tell you ‘I have someone already’! or ‘at least,
I have a choice in choosing the man that I love’!
There and then, where a man finally gets the approval of a Muslim
lady to marry, he must cross the path of her family relatives who
are not reluctant to sacrifice their family requirements for any
good! The would be groom is issued a list of materials and objects
to buy and offer to the lady’s family, to show his readiness to
marry her! The costs of meeting up with this list when evaluated
might run into millions of naira, whereas this money would have
saved them (the couples) from economic hardship that would have
befallen them (the couples) after their marriage and afford them
the opportunity to plan a better life after the marriage! Different
cultural ceremonies are organized on the expectation of the
marriage whereas at this time, no one of the family is thinking of
the need for fulfillment of the Islamic values and or requirements!
It is very unfortunate that all these excessive acts are encouraged
by the fact that these people have little or no knowledge about
what awaits them as punishment for some of these unlawful acts
(especially the fornication and adultery committed by would be
bride and or groom) that they commit daily except if they truly
believe in Allaah, the Final Day, the
Reckoning and the punishment, Hellfire and Paradise and except for
those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah
will replace their evil deeds with good. And ever is Allaah
Forgiving and Merciful.} [Quran 25: 68-70] and they should
therefore have patience, fearing Allah and longing for His
reward. Some of us as Muslims and or as Muslim
families do not also value Islamic education for ourselves and the
children anymore!
Finally, I humbly admonish myself and my fellow Muslim males and
females to truly believe in Allah, the Final
Day, the Reckoning and the punishment, Hellfire and Paradise and
for us to repent, believe (in Allaah) and to do righteous work. As
then, for us Allah will replace our evil deeds with good and ever
is Allaah Forgiving and Merciful.}. We should therefore have
patience, fearing Allah and longing for His
reward. I also admonish the respective Muslim
family respectfully, to always allow the Islamic law’s requirements
for marriage to be the yardstick in approving and disapproving a
suitor introduced to the family by the daughter sought to be
married. Also, cultural/customary requirements should be made to
strengthen family bonds between the two but new families coming to
get into a bigger family, hence, the cultural/customary
requirements should be such that are simple and considerate!
Islamic law does not forbid cultures/customs based on mutual
understanding and which would not input hardship on one another! I
therefore pray to Almighty Allaah to guide us all aright to His
path to paradise! I also pray to Almighty Allaah to forgive me for
whatever error resulting from this paper! Only Allaah knows the
best!
Email: hameed_ajibola@yahoo.com[1]
By Hameed Ajibola Jimoh Esq.
I have observed some of our Muslim brethren’s strict adherence
to their cultures/customs especially as they concern Islamic
marriage and these persons would go to any length to protect their
cultures/customs even where Islamic laws provide otherwise or for a
simple rules. They would insist on the would be groom to comply and
or fulfill the would be bride’s cultural/customary rules (and it
does not matter to them whether the cultural/customary rules
required to be fulfilled are unrealistic or difficult for the would
be groom to meet up with and regardless of whether the would be
groom is able to meet up with the Islamic prescriptions). I felt
that we as Muslims generally really need to reconsider our steps,
actions and prescriptions as they concern Islamic marriage and I
felt too that there is indeed great efforts to re-orientate
ourselves on the need to prioritise Islamic values over
cultural/customary values so that we could be in total submission
to the will/religion of Allaah (Islam) as true Muslims, hence, this
paper.
I must first state that Islamic law does not overrule all
cultural/customary rules/practices regarding marriage. The
customary practices are regarded as ‘’Urf’ or in
another word ‘’aadaat’ under the Usuulul-Fiqh (Islamic
Jurisprudence). Professor Abdur Rahman I. Doi, in his book
Shari’ah: the Islamic Law, Taha Publishers Limited, London, 1997,
at page 84, has the following to say about ‘’Urf’ or in another
word ‘’aadaat’ ‘’Urf, the known practices and ‘aadaat’ or customs
are recognised as a subsidiary source by all schools of
Jurisprudence. The Maaliki school attaches more importance to
custom than other schools. But customary rules are valid as long as
there is no provision on the matter in the Qur’an and the Sunnah.
If any of the customs contradict any other rule of Shari’ah, they
will be considered outside the pale of Islamic law’.
Therefore, this paper is not to the effect that cultures/customs
relating to Islamic marriage are prohibited (where such
cultures/customs do not violate Islamic rules on same subject of
marriage), however, what this paper is appealing for is the need
for ‘leniency’ and ‘simplicity’ as any
strict adherence to cultures/customary requirements where the
Islamic requirements are met or are much more easier and simpler to
meet up with would bring difficulty and excessiveness which would
in turn cause disregard for Islamic requirements. If I am to say, I
would recommend with due respect, that the Islamic requirement
should be the yardstick for measuring compliance with marriage
rites for every Muslim family then, the cultures/customs should be
secondary where the primary (Islamic laws) has been met! But the
situation that I have observed in some of Muslim families is the
contrary which is a situation where the cultures/customs are
considered as the primary while the Islamic requirements are
regarded as the secondary to be met! One would also observe with
due respect, some selfish interests or the interests of some
persons being brought into the customary rules when it comes to
marriage and because, people see the need to fulfill the personal
interests of these set of people (bride’s family relatives), then,
the Islamic law’s requirements (which ought to be the yardstick) is
considered less important! In fact, the bride’s family would go to
any length to refuse any good man/suitor who would not comply with
their customary requirements (even where the man is able to meet up
with the Islamic law’s requirements). This is where some of these
Muslim families become extreme and violate the Islamic rules! This
is an angle where I humbly call for reconsideration and
reorientation! There are many challenges in marriage.
The most important consideration in my humble view, to
consider is righteousness in a man that your daughter seeks to
marry! Where you find the righteousness, then, every
other thing should become less in value/importance! This the
Messenger of Allaah (may Allaah’s blessings and peace be upon him)
had admonished when he said ‘If a man comes to you
seeking marriage, and you are satisfied with his diin and
character, marry him- lest a fitnah (harm) and great destruction
become rampant on the earth’. (Recorded by At-Tirmithy, Ibn Maajah
abd others. Verified to be hasan by Al-Albaany (Shiihul- Jaami’ No.
270 & Shiihah No. 1022). For further education on this subject of
Islamic marriage rules, please refer to: Al-Usratul-Muslimah (The
Muslim Family) revised by Muhammad Mustafaa Al-Jibaaly, Alkitaab &
Assu-Sunnah Publishing, Vol. 1-4. Therefore, the
righteousness (in both religion and characters) of a man seeking to
marry a Muslim lady should be the priority of every Muslim lady and
her family, else, if they reject such a righteous man (on grounds
not on Islamic grounds), such a family might be cursed and cause
calamity on earth! I view these as the repercussion that we face
today in relation to marriages! Some Muslim marriages are
contracted on ‘benefits’ or ‘material
benefits’ either by the bride to be or her family
relatives! These become the reason why ‘fornication’
and ‘adultery’ (Zinah) become very rampant on earth
the situation which does not exempt Muslims! I pray Almighty Allaah
rescue us all from these wrath of His and not to cause our path to
deviate from His path! Aamiin!
As an emphasis on the consequences of fornication and adultery
which should cause every Muslim to fear the consequences of
Allaah’s wrath on earth, there was a question and a ruling on the
question on islamweb.com which would be
supplied here as it is useful for the purpose of this paper which
goes thus
‘Question
A non-Muslim friend asked me how is it possible, in
recent life, to avoid having relations with a girl before the
marriage as long as there are many means to avoid pregnancy or
diseases? I want to convince him the dangers of
Zina.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the
Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except
Allah, and that Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi
wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave
and Messenger.
Zina (fornication or adultery) is a grave major sin.
It is prohibited in all religions due to fatal diseases such as
AIDS. It does not only bring down Allah’s wrath, but also causes
crimes, generates hatred among people, spoils the chastity of the
person and his/her lineage and so forth. Allah, the Exalted, has
imposed a great punishment on those who commit Zina in this worldly
life and in the Hereafter.
Allah Says (what means): {And those who do not
invoke with Allah another deity or kill the soul which Allah has
forbidden [to be killed], except by right, and do
not commit unlawful sexual intercourse. And whoever should do that
will meet a penalty. Multiplied for him is the punishment on the
Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein humiliated – Except
for those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah
will replace their evil deeds with good. And ever is Allah
Forgiving and Merciful.} [Quran 25: 68-70]
On the Night of Israa’ and Mi’raaj, as recorded in
Saheeh Al-Bukhaari, the Prophet sallallaahu
`alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention
) saw naked men and women on a building similar to a furnace, wide
at the bottom and narrow at the top, and a fire kindling from the
bottom. When the fire starts, they cry and come up; when it goes
out, they return to their previous state. When the Prophet
sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah
exalt his mention ) asked about them, the answer was: ‘They are
those who committed Zina.’ They will be tortured in the same way
till Resurrection.”
Allah warns us against committing Zina as
He Says (what means): {And do not approach unlawful sexual
intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a
way.} [Quran 17:32]
As for the punishment of Zina in the present life,
if it is proved, an unmarried person is to be lashed one hundred
times, and then, the man should be exiled for one year. This should
be carried out by the Muslim ruler. As regards a married person who
commits Zina, he should be stoned till death.
Allah Says (what means): {The [unmarried] woman or
[unmarried] man found guilty of sexual intercourse – lash each one
of them with a hundred lashes, and do not be taken by pity for them
in the religion of Allah, if you should believe in Allah and the
Last Day. And let a group of the believers witness their
punishment.} [Quran 24: 2]
This punishment is for unmarried persons guilty of
the above sin but if married persons commit it, the punishment is
to stone them to death, according to Allah’s Law.
The Prophetic Hadeeth explained the above verse
stating: “One hundred lashes and one year exile for a bachelor and
a married one should be stoned (to death).” [Muslim, At-Tirmithi,
Ibn Maajah]
As for your friend’s saying ‘How can I
endure?’, we clearly state that whoever believes in Allah, the
Final Day, the Reckoning and the punishment, Hellfire and Paradise,
should have patience, fearing Allah and longing for His
reward.
On the other hand, using medical condoms and so on
does not change the Sharee’ah rulings for a believer. But, for a
disbeliever, we are to do our best to convince him of Islam and
belief since there will be no profit to convince him of the dangers
of Zina as long as he is not a believer.
Therefore, dear brother, your first step is to
convince him of Islam and the dangers of disbelief. Then, he –
Allah willing – will automatically believe in the dangers of
Zina.
Allah knows best.’. (Underlining is mine for
emphasis).
From the above question and the answer provided, it is clear
what happens where cultures and customs are made to be strictly
required than the Islamic law’s dictates on marriage. What
happens?! Fornication and adultery are encouraged! Then, the
generations find their ways into ‘Hell fire’ (may
Allaah save us all and our generations from such
calamity!
Furthermore and most worrisome today is the way and manner some
of our Muslim males and females get so used to getting closer (if
not into) fornication and adultery against Allaah’s order! I
admonish them to repent to Almighty Allaah and to heed warnings and
to fear the calamities of such unlawful enjoyment in this world and
in the hereafter! Some Muslim males and females now freely
intermingle on the social-media (even at workplaces) leading to
unwarranted chats and relationship! In fact, a righteous Muslim
(man) who would love to marry but fears Allaah in not moving close
to fornication or adultery would find it very hard to win and or
convince any of such females that he is interested in to marry
without ‘dating’ or ‘courting’ her and or
without (if not sexually attached to her i.e. by having sex with
her, even within the shortest days of meeting her) and without
making fake and deceitful promises to her! Subhaanallaah (may
Allaah be glorified)! This is very critical! Sexual relationship is
getting rampant among some Muslim males and or females in Nigeria
(Allaah knows best) and the various Muslim families seem less
concerned about this calamity! This development I got to know about
in the cause of my search for a mathnaa (second wife to
marry), which I am still in serious search for (though with prayers
and patience and hoping in Allaah)! There have been many rejections
due to various Un-islamic reasons ranging from: I
cannot marry him (or he cannot marry our daughter because he is not
from our tribe/language); I cannot marry him because he is married
and I cannot marry a married man; he does not have what it takes in
(wealth) to take care of me and I cannot suffer with any man;
etc., (even where some of these commentaries are not
spoken, one would understand the action from the reactions)
whereas, some of these Muslim females fall easily into the hands of
some males who do not fear Allaah or have no good intention for
them or who are not even ready to marry them but only offers fake
promises! It is important for me to state this fact for the purpose
understanding how bad the situation/calamity has become! Virginity
is no more celebrated! Immorality is marked as a sign of exposure
especially some of those so much entangled with the western world,
whereas, the fact that you are educated in western education should
not make you to become immoral rather it should expose you
intellectually! Today, marriages breakdown easily without any
regret (even the family relatives have their own shares of the
calamities)! Materialisms and fake promises pervade marital
relationships! The one who is righteous is seen as either a
‘fanatic’ or an ‘extremist’, just because
he only fears to violate the laws of his Lord! Males and or females
get so exposed to sexual relationship right from Junior Secondary
School! This is likely one of the reasons why many males and or
females do not think of marriage because they now have alternative
of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ (with sexual
enjoyment), hence, the need not to even think of
marriage early! Then, some females of this generation
whom a righteous male considers to marry on a close proposal become
exposed as having a secret partner already for years without
necessarily being ready for marriage! These females
would tell you ‘I have someone already’! or ‘at least,
I have a choice in choosing the man that I love’!
There and then, where a man finally gets the approval of a Muslim
lady to marry, he must cross the path of her family relatives who
are not reluctant to sacrifice their family requirements for any
good! The would be groom is issued a list of materials and objects
to buy and offer to the lady’s family, to show his readiness to
marry her! The costs of meeting up with this list when evaluated
might run into millions of naira, whereas this money would have
saved them (the couples) from economic hardship that would have
befallen them (the couples) after their marriage and afford them
the opportunity to plan a better life after the marriage! Different
cultural ceremonies are organized on the expectation of the
marriage whereas at this time, no one of the family is thinking of
the need for fulfillment of the Islamic values and or requirements!
It is very unfortunate that all these excessive acts are encouraged
by the fact that these people have little or no knowledge about
what awaits them as punishment for some of these unlawful acts
(especially the fornication and adultery committed by would be
bride and or groom) that they commit daily except if they truly
believe in Allaah, the Final Day, the
Reckoning and the punishment, Hellfire and Paradise and except for
those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah
will replace their evil deeds with good. And ever is Allaah
Forgiving and Merciful.} [Quran 25: 68-70] and they should
therefore have patience, fearing Allah and longing for His
reward. Some of us as Muslims and or as Muslim
families do not also value Islamic education for ourselves and the
children anymore!
Finally, I humbly admonish myself and my fellow Muslim males and
females to truly believe in Allah, the Final
Day, the Reckoning and the punishment, Hellfire and Paradise and
for us to repent, believe (in Allaah) and to do righteous work. As
then, for us Allah will replace our evil deeds with good and ever
is Allaah Forgiving and Merciful.}. We should therefore have
patience, fearing Allah and longing for His
reward. I also admonish the respective Muslim
family respectfully, to always allow the Islamic law’s requirements
for marriage to be the yardstick in approving and disapproving a
suitor introduced to the family by the daughter sought to be
married. Also, cultural/customary requirements should be made to
strengthen family bonds between the two but new families coming to
get into a bigger family, hence, the cultural/customary
requirements should be such that are simple and considerate!
Islamic law does not forbid cultures/customs based on mutual
understanding and which would not input hardship on one another! I
therefore pray to Almighty Allaah to guide us all aright to His
path to paradise! I also pray to Almighty Allaah to forgive me for
whatever error resulting from this paper! Only Allaah knows the
best!
Email: hameed_ajibola@yahoo.com[1]